LATEST NEWS FROM MAYPOLE

[Alison J Stevens]

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This year has been a busy one, and as 2010 draws to a close, I reflect on how Maypole began: It was November 2003 when I first took a step in to an unknown future, and walked in to a solicitor's office. How many times was I to walk through that door?! But at home, when I searched for support on the internet, all I found were father's rights groups; it seemed there was nothing for me. Unbeknown to me at the time, Jennie (Maypole's co-founder) was also finding only fathers' groups when she looked for support. One wonderful day, some time later, an E mail was forwarded to me, via a mutual acquaintance, from Jennie. From just a few short lines I knew here was someone just like me, with a similar story and a similar determination to make things better. And so a seed of an idea germinated, and Maypole grew. 2010 has been a particularly important year for Maypole, as we were registered as a company (a legal requirement) on the 6th January and a charity on the 29th April. At last, Maypole was official, and can exist beyond any one individual - Maypole has staying power! So like the Queen, we have two birthdays. As we approach our first birthday, I would like to thank you for finding us at this early stage, for your patience (I know we can't offer much at the moment, but we do our best) and for your encouragement, which means a lot to us. And a big thank you to everyone who has offered their time, whether it is just a few minutes or a few hours, all is appreciated and valued. And that solicitor's door: I walked through it again last month. It had been a long time. I handed the receptionist an envelope with my (ex!) solicitor's name on it. Inside was a copy of Maypole's report Valuing Motherhood. All the things I have learnt in those 7 years, all the things I wish my solicitor, and everyone else involved in my divorce case, knew. One day I hope they will. Best wishes for the Christmas season, and wishing you a happy and peaceful new year. Rosalind Keeping safe at Christmas If you have time on your hands at Christmas, watch what you say on line. According to one newspaper in Australia, ‘lawyers are advising their clients locked in Family Court fights to take down their Facebook pages as the networking site has become a weapon and target for warring spouses’. The risk of domestic abuse increases at Christmas, and police forces across the country are encouraging people to report incidents. Supt Ged McManus of West Yorkshire police says: ‘We want victims to be confident that if they do report incidents to police we will take action’. If you want help or support, or know someone who does, call the 24 hour national Domestic Violence Helpline: Freephone 0808 2000 247.

Maypole E News      Christmas 2010 If you are apart from your child/ren at Christmas The Christmas season can be fraught at the best of times, but all the more difficult if you find yourself apart from your child/ren. Feelings of frustration, anger and grief are normal. Looking after yourself is probably last on your Christmas list.  But being in good emotional and physical shape will help you to cope, with or without your child/ren.  Try to set aside some quiet time to think about your child/ren. This will help bring them closer to you, especially if it is some time since you have seen them. Mementoes, cards and photos might help. It is at these times of ‘sitting’ with our thoughts that we can more clearly remember the subtle details, the smell of their skin, the sparkle in their eyes or the way they laugh. You might shed a tear or laugh at a memory. Remind yourself, 'I am their mother, and the best mother I can be, and nothing will change that'. Once you have acknowledged your feelings, it’s time to change the mood. Ask yourself what can I do to be in great shape (mentally emotionally and physically)?  Make a list of pleasurable activities and aim to tick one off after each ‘remembering’.  Setting aside this time and then actively changing your mood will help you to enjoy the Christmas season without feeling guilt for taking that enjoyment.